TheOfficeisms for episode The Job:In the one hour season finale, a job opening in Corporate has Michael, Jim, and Karen in New York competing against one another, leaving Dwight in charge of the Scranton branch.Andy: I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has...my brain. Which I use to my advantage when advantageous. Dwight: Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check in time now. Check out time is never. Jim: Does my room have cable? Dwight: No, and the sheets are made of fire! Jim: Can I change rooms? Dwight: No, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town! Jim: Can I have a late check out? Dwight: I'll have to talk to the manager. Jim: You're not the manager...even in your own fantasy? Dwight: I'm the owner....the co-owner. With Satan! Jim: Okay, just so I understand it... in your wildest fantasy, you are in hell. And you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil. Dwight: But I haven't told you my salary. Jim: Go. Dwight: Eighty thousand dollars a year! Pam: (In confessional) No, it's fine! I'm sure it must have been weird for Jim when Roy and I were joking around...that one time. (Confessional) Pam: No, I don't know what the future holds but I'm optimistic and I had fun goofing around with Dwight today. Jim and I are just too similar. Maybe one day I'll find my own Karen.. but you--that is a umm.. you know not -- A man. A man version. But until then I can hold my head up. I'm not gay. David: (on the phone) So, I know we left the other day on a note of uncertainty, but after some more thought I'm very pleased to be able to offer you this job. ... (laughs) Great. I'm so glad. ... We're all very glad you're going to be joining us. It'll be nice to have another MBA around here. Ryan: (on the other end of the phone) I'm excited too. ... Okay. Bye. (hangs up the phone) Kelly: Who was that? Ryan: Nobody. You and I are done. Kelly: What?! Pam: (in confessional) I haven't heard anything. But I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified and smart. Everyone loves him. And if he never comes back again, that's okay. We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just, we never got the timing right. You know? I shot him down. And then he did the same to me. But, you know what, it's okay. I'm totally fine. Everything is going to be totally... Jim: (enters the room) Pam! (to the cameramen) Sorry. (to Pam) Um, are you free for dinner tonight? Pam: Yes. Jim: Alright. Then it's a date. (he leaves) Pam: (smiles and gets teary eyed) I'm sorry. What was the question? David: We want this person who takes the position to be here for the long haul. So, long haul. Where do you see yourself in ten years? Jim: (thinks back to what he said to Pam after her confession during Beach Day) How are your feet? Pam: Medium rare. Thanks. Jim: The real reason that I went to Stamford is because I wanted to be...not here. Pam: I know. Jim: And even though I came back...I just feel like...I've never really come back. Pam: (nods) Well, I wish you would. Michael: How are you guys doing? Do you need anything? Karen: Uh, no. We're good. Thanks. Michael: I have been here a bunch of times so I know where everything is, know everybody's names. If you need to know somebody's name, just ask me. Jim: (points to someone) Who's that? Michael: (turns to look at him) That is Beardy. Jim: Beardy? Michael: Mm-hmm. Jim: Alright, I'm going to introduce myself. (starts to get up) Michael: No, no. That's not his real name. That's just what I call him. Jim: So I was wondering if Karen and I could get off a couple hours early cause we want to spend the night in the city Michael: Why so you can do it? Ha Jim: Whoops Michael: No, uh, well I was thinking, that, uh, actually, we could all leave tomorrow. Do a convoy, you know Jim: Ahh Michael: Convoys are really fun. Pull up next to each other, give each other the finger... Jim and Karen: Hmm Michael: ...moon each other Jim: Uh, we're going to go tonight but we're going see you there tomorrow morning Michael: Alright. Your loss Karen: Wait. How would you moon us if you were driving Michael: Cruise control Karen: Oh (Deleted Scene) Phyllis: Michael, what happened? Michael: Jan got fired. And I realized that I could not work for a company that would fire my girlfriend. But more than that, I realized that I couldn't take a job that would take me away from this place. This is where I belong. This is my home, and home is where the hardest. Oscar: Home is where the heart is. Michael: Heart is. That makes a lot more sense. You think they'd help each other out like that at Corporate? I think not! (Deleted Scene) David: Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Michael: Well, I've actually done a lot of thinking about that. And in 10 years, I am living in a big house, with my kids. And in this house, we have screens on the walls that have famous art on them. And I have a remote that works everything that has like a belt loop attachment, or in my ear like a Bluetooth. And because it's the future, I can take just a little tiny pill and get all my vitamins for the whole day. David: A multi-vitamin? Michael: I don't know what it's going to be called, but the thing is, the future of this company is now. And the future? Is me. Michael: Well I guess you could come and stay at my condo, I think I could back out of the sale. I'd probably get some negative feedback on my Ebay profile. (Confessional) Pam: I'm happy for him, I hope he gets the job. I really just want him to be happy and I know that sounds cliche and I know saying it sounds cliche sounds cliche. Maybe I'm being cliche, I don't care cause I am what I am -- that's Popeye. David: Oh, hey, do you have your quarterly numbers? Jim: Yes! Absolutely! David: And that questionnaire? Jim: Yes! David: Sorry to make you fill that out. Jim: Oh no, absolutely! David: It's a stupid HR formality. We have this very irritating HR guy here. He's probably the only person you're not gonna like. Kendall! Ugh! Dwight: Don't you want to earn Schrute Bucks? Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again. Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks? Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns. (Referencing Jan's Breast Implants) Creed: I find it offensive. Au natural, baby. That's the way I like'em. Swing low, sweet chariots. Ryan: Last year Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the internet, it's pretty shocking. (Dwight interviews Andy for the #2 spot) Dwight: I am going to begin this process with a simple test of intelligence and mental dexterity. What is the best color? Andy: White. Because it contains all other colors. Dwight: Wrong. Black: it is the most ominant. How do you make a table? Andy: You make a chair, but you don't sit on it. Dwight: What is the capital of Maine? Andy: The capital of Maine is Montpelier, Vermont, which is near Ithaca, New York, where I went to Cornell. Dwight: Okay. Also, moratorium on Cornell-talk. Don't want to hear about it. Forget your personal history and learn the history of this company. Andy: That should not be a problem. I minored in history at the Ivy-League school which I attended. Dwight: You are not off to a very good start, Bernard. Andy: I agree. Dwight: How would you like to spend the night with the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin - Scranton? Angela: No, Dwight! I don't care if that's how they consolidated power in ancient Rome. Dwight: No, no! Not- not Michael. Me! I'm taking his job. Angela: ...Goodbye, Kelly Kapoor. Pam: Hey. Karen: Hey. Pam: Um, about the beach- Karen: It's okay. We all say things without thinking. Pam: Oh, no. It's not that. I've actually been thinking that for a long time, and I'm glad I said it. I just- I'm sorry if it made you feel weird. Karen: Oh... okay. (Confessional) Karen: Pam is... kind of a bitch. Dwight: You wanted to see me? Michael: Yes, the time has come to name my own replacement. So please hand this letter to Dwight K. Schrute. Dwight: But that's my name.(Opens envelope)"Dwight, congratulations, a-wipe. Don't screw the pooch."(Dwight starts sobbing uncontrollably)Thank you, Michael. Thank you. (Confessional) Jim: Karen suggested that I get a haircut... for the interview tomorrow... so that I could look presentable and not as she so lovingly puts it, "homeless." Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction |
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