TheOfficeisms for episode Beach Games:Michael is being considered for a position in corporate, but also plans a day of "Survivor" like competitions while the office workers visit Lake Scranton. Pam is not asked to join in on any of the competitions and is forced to sit and watch Jim and Karen have fun.Michael: Hey Pam, I have a very important job for you Pam: I thought we were just having fun at the beach. Michael: We are. We are. But, I would like you to take notes. And I want you to find out about people's character. Not their hotness, per se, but their humor, and their charisma, and the indefinable quality that makes you all glad to follow me. Kelly: Who's Bob Hope? Michael: God! He's, he's a comedian. Kelly: Oh, like Amanda Bynes. Michael: Who's Amanda Bynes? Kelly: She's from "What A Girl Wants." Michael: Oh, I love that movie. Michael: OK, everybody have their towels and swimsuits? We have about an hour and half. I suggest that you all go potty now and then we will be congregating on the par-tay bus. Michael: I knew that finding a successor would be difficult. I did not know that it would be impossible. Thus far the candidates have been wildly disappointing. Uh, Jim is not taking it seriously. Uh, Stanley is having a stroke. And Andy, where is he? Where the hell is Andy? Where is he, Pam? Do you know? Michael: Ugh.. who's ahead in points? Pam: Well, I think they're even. At various times you gave Jim ten points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs up. And I don't really know how to compare those to... Michael: Check to see if there's a conversion chart. Pam: ...I really doubt it, Michael. Michael: Please just check. Michael: What does a great manager need most of all? Courage. Stanley: How so? I mean, sure thing that sounds smart...I can't do this anymore. I'm going to sit in the bus. Oscar: If either of these guys are put in charge of the office I will transfer to Albany. Gil can come if he wants. I'm kinda looking for a way out of that relationship anyway. I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see. Andy: I am okay if I lose every single contest today. Honestly. Because I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am. Mallard! (throws a stone) Michael: I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it...then it'll suck. Michael: Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot. (Before the Hot Dog eating contest) Stanley: I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on. (After Jim sumo wrestles with Stanley, and loses horribly) Jim: Oh my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes... ever. I thought that I might die. On Beach Day! Pam: Hey! I want to say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately, and I just need to say a few things. I did the coal walk. Just..I did it. Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss. Wow, I feel really good right now...Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you..that really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist. Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just, like, weird between us..and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford. I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy..and there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you're with someone else, and that's..fine. Michael: (after Pam had made her speech) Pam that was amazing but I'm still looking for someone with a sales background. Michael: Everybody, may I have you attention please? Today, we are not just spending a day at the beach. Stanley: Oh, sweet mother of God. Michael: If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus. Stanley: Excuse me? Michael: Or the front of the bus. Or drive the bus. Just, we are all participating in mandatory fun activities. Funtivities! And there is a special secret prize for the winner! Dwight: Yes! Funtivities! I knew it wasn't just a trip to the beach. Michael: Okay, you know what? Your enthusiasm's turning people off. Dwight: I hope there will be management parables. Pam: About 40 times a year Michael gets really sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned. (Michael is asking the candidates for his job to walk across hot coals) Michael: Jim, you're up. Jim: Nope. Michael: Ju- why not? Jim: Oh! 'cause I don't want my feet to get burned. Michael: You do not have what it takes to be a regional manager! Jim: That's harsh. Dwight: Sabotage. Angela: What? What are you saying? Did you say "sandwich?" Dwight: No. I was saying that before. Not now. Now I am saying, "sabotage." The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team. Angela: I knew you were saying sabotage. I was giving you an example of it. I will misunderstand everything that Andy says until he goes insane. Dwight: If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me. Pam: There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach filled with sun, surf, and uh, diligent note-taking. (Discussing his chosen team leaders) Michael: Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy, he gets me, he went to Cornell, I trust him... Cons: I don't really trust him. (Discussing his chosen team leaders) Michael: I'm also considering Stanley... because of all the good that black people have done for America. (Discussing his chosen team leaders) Michael: Jim Halpert. Pros: Smart, cool, good-looking... remind you of anybody you know? Cons: Not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project and he will finish the same project in a half-an-hour... so that should tell you something. Michael: Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume. Oscar: I don't wear a Speedo, Michael. Michael: Well, you can't swim in leather pants. (Kevin in confessional) Kevin: I just wanna lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted. (Michael in confessional) Michael: What happens to a company if somebody takes a boss away? I will answer your question with a question: it's like what happens to a chicken when you take its head away--it dies... unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head. Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction |
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