TheOfficeisms for episode Women's Appreciation:When Phyllis gets an unexpected eyeful from a flasher. Michael decides to take the women of the office on a special outing. Meanwhile, Dwight and Andy work to track down the flasher.Michael: What, um... what do you think of roleplay? Phyllis: It can be fun. Michael: Yeah? Well, Jan has this schoolgirl fantasy... Karen: It's a pretty common one. Michael: I just— I just feel uncomfortable wearing the dress. Angela: Okay, I'm going to be at the doll store. Dwight: Dunder Mifflin Paper slash Sex Predator Hotline. This is Dwight Schrute. Jim: Hey, Dwight. It’s Jim. Dwight: Jim, what are you doing? I’m busy. Jim: No, you’re not. I’m looking right at you. Dwight: Ugh, I’m hanging up. Jim: Don’t. I have information about the sex predator. Dwight: You have information about the sex predator? Jim: I saw him two minutes ago. Dwight: Where? Jim: In the women’s bathroom, above the sink. Michael: Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. ‘Cause they are un-understandable. There’s a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me, I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV, I wished for Pam to gain courage, I wished for Angela a heart, and for Kelly a brain. “Michael, how can you appreciate women so much, but also dump one of them?” You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well maybe I learned something from women after all. Pam: I’m kind of in between boyfriends right now. So I don’t need anything sexy. But I do need some new hand towels, I figure I could cut up this robe. Michael: You don’t want anything? My treat. Some panties or…pick a thong or…G-string. T-back. Get a nice bra. Padded bra. See-through, push-up, lace? Thigh-high? Bustier? Any, it just, you know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear. Michael: Wow, I cannot believe this yogurt has no calories! Pam: No one said it has no calories. Michael: Let’s face it, most guys are from the Dark Ages. They’re cavemen. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage, and to be wearing eight-inch heels, and to be wearing, um, see-through underpants. But for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked. Michael: I like cuddling and spooning, and she likes videotaping us during sex. Pam: Oh my god... Michael: And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form. Karen: That is not healthy behavior. Michael: No, it’s not that bad. The worst part is, that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it. Angela: Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are just too flashy. So I’m forced to go to the American Girl store. And order clothes for large colonial dolls. Andy: I really appreciate your letting me work alongside you so closely today. Dwight: Of course you do, moonface. That’s because you’re a preppy freak, you’re the office pariah, and nobody likes you. So, start hanging these all around the building. Andy: This guy looks like a real deviant. Dwight: No duh! That’s why we gotta catch him. Start hanging those! Andy: Aye aye, Captain. Dwight: More like, “Aye aye, General.” Kevin: Hey, Jim. You wanna go in the women’s bathroom? Jim: No. Thank you, though. Kevin: You aren’t curious? Jim: Not really, I’ve seen a bathroom before. Kevin: Yeah, but it’s every guy’s fantasy. Jim: I think you mean a girl’s locker room. And in the fantasy, there’s usually girls in it. Kevin: Yeah. I’m going in. Jim: Go crazy. Kevin: Oh...my...god. Angela: Malls are just awful and humiliating. They’re just store after store of these horrible salespeople making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a junior’s section. There are petite adults who are sort of...smaller, who need to wear...maybe a kids’ size 10. Michael: Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one? Dwight: Less than three. Michael: That is not current. Dwight: You know what? Why doesn’t Oscar run the meeting? He’s a homosexual. Jim: Why don’t you run the meeting? You play with dolls. Dwight: Those are collectible action figures. And they’re worth more than your car. Michael: You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women. Michael: If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. I encourage that. Karen: Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? (Reading) “Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding one-quarter inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute.” This is ridiculous. Dwight: Attention, I am removing all bananas from the kitchen. Karen: Dwight, this memo that you distributed, is insulting. Dwight: Desperate times call for desperate measures. Pam: (Reading) “Sleeves down to the wrists, button-up collars, and muted colors.” Nobody dresses like that. (Camera pans to Angela) Pam: I don’t often miss Roy. But I can tell you one thing. I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy. Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year. Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim’s...whoo, I am, I am saying a lot of things. Pam: Can you tell us what happened? Phyllis: Um, I was walking to the building and this man asked me for directions. And he was holding a map. And when I walked over, he had it out...on the map. Angela: Phyllis, you’re a married woman. Creed: The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what’s all the fuss? Michael: In all the excitement, I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe. Women can't have fun if they don't feel safe. For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time... she pretended she didn't hear me. Micheal:(speaking of the flasher) Did he even see Pam? Or Karen from behind? Kevin: (standing behind Karen) I'm guessing not. (After Phyllis announces that she had been flashed) Creed: The guy was just hanging brain! I mean, what is all the fuss? (Scene cuts to Creed privately talking directly into the camera) Creed: If that's flashing, lock me up. (Jim, Kevin, Toby, and Ryan are in the lounge in the women's restroom. Creed walks in.) Creed: What're you doing in here? This is the woman's room. Kevin: You're in here. Creed: I pay for that privilege. (Creed in confessional) Creed: I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing: I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times, and I have paid dearly. (Dwight making an announcement to the office) Dwight: This is a petition for the business park to upgrade their security cameras, as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. And I know what you're thinking: "won't that just shed more light on the penises?" But that is a risk we have to take. Pam, you can draw--kind of. Why don't you work with phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community. Pam: Phallus? Dwight: Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain. Back to work, everybody. (While discussing the effects of fashion models in the media on women's self esteem) Andy: If it were up to me, you ladies would be the fashion models. Kevin: Yes, Andy. Then the fashion models could come here and work with me. Michael: A penis when seen in the right context is the most wonderful sight for a woman, but in the wrong context it is like a monster movie. Dwight: Alien. BWEH! (pretends his hand is an alien popping out of his chest) (After Dwight gives Jim a "demerit" for tardiness) Jim: What does a demerit mean? Dwight: Let's put it this way, you do not want to receive three of those. Jim: Lay it on me. Dwight: Three demerits and you'll receive a citation. Jim: Now that sounds serious. Dwight: Oh it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in a world of hurt--in the form of a disciplinary review written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior. Jim: Which would be me. Dwight: That is correct. Jim: OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day, or you will receive a full disagilation. Dwight: What's a dis... what's that? Jim: Oh you don't wanna know. Dwight: Better a thousand innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free. Dwight: I wish I could menstruate. (Dwight in confessional) Dwight: If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore--I'd just be able to just count down from my previous cycle... plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides. 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