TheOfficeisms for episode Product Recall:It's crisis time at Dunder-Mifflin paper after a large quantity of paper is accidentally shipped out with an obscene watermark. Michael attempts to explain the situation to the media while Jim and Andy try to calm down the high school principal who has sent out prom invites on the affected stationary.Michael: Here's the thing, when a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media, and then you control the story. Wait for the them to find out, and the story controls you. That's what happened to O.J. Principal: The issue with the watermark is very serious. Jim: Absolutely. Principal: We teach our students that character counts. Jim: And you should. Andy: Ha! Ha ha. You don't teach it well enough. One of your students is a biiitch! Jim: Andy...is having a real rough day. Andy: I want to take out an ad in your yearbook. Full page, two words- Jim: -GOOD LUCK! Andy: That's not what I had in mind. (confessional) Creed: The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did, ...when I was a homeless man. (confessional) Creed: Every week I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot-check at the paper mill. And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens. (Using Andy's phrase to the camera) Jim: Lord, beer me strength. Dwight: I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right. Andy: Beer me! Jim: What's that? Andy: Hand me that water. I always say beer me. It gets a laugh like a quarter of the time. (On being told Jim that Andy is going with him to a client) Jim: Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go alone-- Michael: NO! No, I need two men on this! (That's what she said) No time! (But she did--) NO TIME! (on assigning the accountants to Customer Service for the day) Michael: Don't worry, Kelly will be training you first. Angela: (incredulously) Kelly's training us? (camera pans to Kelly, beaming) (Talking head: Kelly, clapping to Hollaback Girl) Kelly: This day is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! This day is bananas! B-A-N-A-- (Talking head: Angela taking headache medicine) Angela: I don't have a headache. I'm just preparing. Kelly: Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is 'cause you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers. So give yourselves a round of applause! (Kelly claps, and Kevin joins in) Oscar: I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer calls. Kelly: I know, right? Probably a lot. Angela: Can you just tell us what we need to do so we can go? Kelly: Okay, Angela! I love your enthusiasm! All you need to know how to do is pick up the phone and say, "Customer Service, this is Kelly." (Kelly covers the receiver of her pretend phone) Only don't say you're Kelly; say your own name. Or if you're bored, you can just make up a name. Like one time, I said I was Bridget Jones, and I (does English accent) talked like this for the whole conversation. Kevin: Ooh! Can I be Australian, mate? Kelly: Absolutely! Kevin: 'allo, mate. Kelly: I like ice cream. I need a boyfriend. Kevin: I like ice cream, too... mate. Alligators. Dingo-babies. Michael: We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at Threat Level: Midnight. (Jim enters the office dressed as Dwight) Jim: It's kind of blurry. (puts on the same glasses as Dwight's) That's better. Question: what kind of bear is best? Dwight: That's a ridiculous question. Jim: False! Black bear. Dwight: Now that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought- Jim: Fact: bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. Dwight: Bears do not- What is going on? What are you doing? (Confessional, dressed as Dwight) Jim: Last week, I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Four dollars. And it only cost me seven dollars to recreate the rest of the ensemble. That's a grand total of... (Does the math on his calculator watch) eleven dollars. Dwight: Identity theft is not a joke Jim. Millions of families suffer every year. Mrs. Allen: I'm calling the Better Business Bureau. Michael: Yeah? Well I'm calling the "Ungrateful Bee-otch Hotline"! Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction |
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