TheOfficeisms for episode Business School:Michael accepts an invitation from Ryan to be a guest speaker at his business school. Meanwhile Dwight battles wits with a bat that gets loose in the office while Pam is entered in her first art show.Dwight: I don't have a lot of experience with vampires. But I have hunted werewolves....I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbors' dog. Kevin:(after cornering the bat) I am a hero. Dwight: If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a "-sylvania." Like Pennsylvania. Michael: So you want to start a business? How do you start? What do you need? Well, first of all, you need a building. Secondly, you need supply. (Jim pretending he is affected by a bite from the bat) Jim: Ow! Karen: What happened? Jim: That bread on your desk... I just picked it up. It's white hot! Karen: But, Jim this garlic bread is cold. Jim: No... it burned me. Jim: So weird. Dwight: What? What's so weird? Jim: The bat, I mean I know I felt it bite me, but look, there's no mark. (Dwight inspects Jim's neck) Jim: I feel so tingly. Michael: I am really proud of you. (Pam hugs Michael) Pam: Thank you. Michael: What? Pam: Do you have something in your pocket? Michael: Chunky. (Michael takes a Chunky candy bar out of his pocket.) Do you want half? Michael: Wow! You did these? Freehand? Pam: Yep. Michael: My god, these could be tracings! Oscar: You're the one who said we needed more culture. Gil: This is culture to you? Oscar: It's her first try. Gil: Yeah, on Van Gogh's first try, he drew the hands of the peasants. Oscar: Meaning what? Gil: Meaning real art takes courage, okay? And honesty. Oscar: Well, those aren’t Pam’s strong points. Gil: Yeah, exactly. That’s why this is motel art. Michael: A good manager doesn't fire people. He hires people and inspires people. People, Ryan. And people will never go out of business. Jim: I’m going to go home and lie down. Draw the shades. There’s just so much sun in here. Bye, Dwight. Dwight: Goodbye, Jim. And good luck. Michael: Ryan has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he’s a tease. Well you know what? He doesn’t know anything, and neither do you. So suck on that! Michael: You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda...global warming...sex predators...mercury poisoning. So do we just give up? Michael: Yeah sure, you know business. Sitting up here in your ivory tower...and your ebony tower. Dwight: Extraordinary events call for extraordinary actions. Will you form an allegiance... Creed: Sure. Dwight: ...to use sudden violence. Creed: Okay. Dwight: Do you have the tools to turn a wooden mop handle into a stake? Creed: What size? Karen: Hey Jim, here’s the aspirin you wanted. Jim: Oh thank god. I have such a headache from the glare. Karen: What glare? Jim: The glare off Angela’s crucifix? It’s blinding. Michael: We can't overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny emails. But real business is done on paper, okay? Write that down. (Students begin to frantically type on their laptops) Michael: The more stickers you sell, the more profit, fancy word for money, you have to buy PlayStations and Beanie Babies. Michael: You need something to sell. Now this could be anything. It could be a thingamajig. Or a whosi-whatsi. Or...a “Whatchamacallit.” Now, you need to sell those in order to have a “PayDay.” And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a “100 Grand.” (Michael pulls a 'Snickers' out of his pocket.) Satisfied? Michael: There are four kinds of business. Tourism. Food service. Railroads. And sales. And hospitals/manufacturing. And air travel. Michael: You cannot learn from books. Replace these pages with life lessons. And then you will have a book that is worth its weight in gold. I know these are expensive. But the lesson is priceless. Pam: I’m really happy to be back with Roy. I think it shows maturity. Maturity and dignity. Is that braggy? I don’t mean it to be braggy. Ryan: If you bring your boss to class, it automatically bumps you up a full letter grade. So...I’d be stupid not to do it, right? Michael: Campus. Brings back so many memories... that I... would have made. Dwight: (to the camera) Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing. Roy: Your art... was the prettiest art... of all the art. Pam: Thank you. Toby: Ah, this looks great. I'd love to be there, but my daughter's play is tonight. Dammit! You know, one of the other parents will probably videotape it. Pam: Oh! No, you should go. Toby: Well, it's important to support local art... and what they do is not art. Ryan: It wasn't personal. Michael: Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world. Michael: It is a message. It is an inspiration. It is a source of beauty and without paper, it could not have happened, unless you had a camera. Kelly: What are you doing? You better not hurt that little bat. (Creed goes into a closet to get a spray can) Creed: Animals can’t feel pain. Kelly: Don’t hurt that bat, Creed. It’s a living thing with feelings and a family. (Toby in confessional) Toby: The simple solution would be to open a window. If we had windows that could open. (Angela in confessional with a plastic bag tied over her head) Angela: Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop! (Jim in confessional) Jim: Pam's with Roy, I'm with Karen. And, uh, Brangelina is with Frangelina, moving on. Michael: What is the most inspiring thing I’ve ever said to you? Dwight: “Don’t be an idiot,” changed my life. (Dwight in confessional) Dwight: Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, “Would an idiot do that?” and if they would, I do not do that thing. Michael: A boss is like a teacher and I am like the cool teacher. Like Mr. Handell, Mr. Handell would hang out with us and he would tell us awesome jokes. And he actually hooked up with one of the students, um, and then like 12 other kids came forward. It was in all the papers...really ruined eighth grade for us. (As Ryan moves his things into the Annex; Kelly hugs him) Kelly: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Ryan: Look, this is only temporary, okay? So don't get excited. Kelly: I won't. I won't get excited. I won't. (getting excited) I won't. I won't! I won't! I won't! I won't! I won't! Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction |
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