TheOfficeisms for episode Ben Franklin:Michael celebrates Phyllis' wedding shower by bringing two adult performers into the office, a stripper and Ben Franklin. Meanwhile, Karen confronts Pam about her past history with Jim.Michael: (Stands up, throwing stripper from his lap) Turn off the music. This is wrong. This is wrong! This is wrong. I have a girlfriend. Uh-uh. And you are engaged. (points toward Phyllis' fiance) And I'm sure you have a boyfriend in prison or something, so let's just clear out, OK? Shame on you! Go back to work! Elizabeth: Hey. Jim: Hi. Elizabeth: I'm Elizabeth, I'm the dancer that was requested. Dwight: Ok, I specifically ordered a stripper. Elizabeth: I'm the stripper. Dwight: Oh, ok good. In the future, please identify yourself as such. Jim: Have you ever seen a stripper before? Dwight: Yes. Jennifer Garner portrayed one on Alias. It was one of her many Aliases. Jim: Yeah, me either. (Jim is in front of Dunder Mifflin with Dwight and the stripper when he receives a text message from Michael) Jim: Oh, God. Dwight: "Is she hot?" Text back, "kind of." Roy: (talking to the camera about Elizabeth, the stripper) No, I don't like strippers. You know what's sexy? Pam's art. Ryan: (talking to the camera about Michael while they're in the adult store) He hasn't even said a word yet. Just giggling. Michael: So get your suits to the dry cleaners, and get your hair did. And Karen, you might want to invest in a dress or a skirt of some kind, if you don’t already have one. This may be Phyllis’ only wedding ever. It’s my job to ensure that none of you look like ragamuffins. Packer: Halpert! Tall, queer, handsome as ever. Hey everybody, it’s me, Jim. Hello, hello. Todd Packer. Karen: Karen Fillipelli. Jim’s girlfriend. Packer: Shut up! Shut it! Karen: That’s rude. Packer: Either this chick is a dude, or Halpert got scared straight! Michael: We are still going to be having two parties, but each is going to get a little extra dose of naugh-tay. Pam: Everything okay? Jim: Oh yeah. Why? Pam: Well, you seem a little tired. Jim: Oh. Yeah, well, I guess there's been a couple of late nights. Karen and I have been up talking. Pam: You should get more sleep. Jim: Yeah. I know I should. Pam: Never ever underestimate the power of a good night's sleep. Jim: No, I'm sure you're right. Pam: When I get eight hours, compared to like, six hours, it's like, big difference! Jim: Really? Pam: Oh yeah. Gotta get your REM cycle, going with the whole...sleeping...better than not. Jim: Good advice, Beesly. Thanks. See you out there? Pam: Yeah. Don't fall asleep at your desk! (Under breath) Oh my god. Dwight: Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles. No tats. No...tats. Of course I want-- Jim: Stop. That’s disgusting. Dwight: Leave me alone and get the male stripper. Jim: Fine. Dwight: I knew you would, Nancy. Jim: Sally. Michael: Mr. Franklin, I would say you are probably one of the sexiest presidents ever. Ben Franklin: Well, actually, I never was president. Michael: Yes, but Ben Franklin was. Karen: Mr. Franklin, do you have a girlfriend? Ben Franklin: I have a lovely wife, Deborah. Pam: But don’t you have girlfriends in Paris? Like, a lot of them? Ben Franklin: Ah, well, that is a gray area of my life. Elizabeth: You want me to answer phones, with my clothes on. Dwight: We hired you for three hours work, and we're gonna get it. Dwight: Who is the king of Austria? Ben Franklin: Joseph the Second. Dwight: Who is the king of Prussia? Ben Franklin: Friedrich Wilhelm the Third. Dwight: Who is the king of England?! Ben Franklin: Why, the tyrant King George, of course. Pam: God, I need a boyfriend. You know, Ryan, I’m totally ready to be set up with one of your business school friends. Whenever. Michael: So you don’t want to end our relationship? Jan: I’m closer to firing you. Michael: That is so sweet. You are the best cheated girlfriend in the world. Michael: So you know who turned out to be kind of a creep? Ben Franklin. And Elizabeth the stripper? Gave me great advice. Which rhymed. Really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin can become president but someone like Elizabeth can't. Dwight: Are you near-sighted or far-sighted? Gordon (Ben Franklin): Both. That's why I invented the bifocal. Dwight: AAAAAAHH! Ryan: Is this the same grill you grilled your foot on? Michael: No... Yes. But I got all the foot off of it. Dwight: I don't care what Jim says. That is not Ben Franklin. (pause) And I'm 99% sure. Michael: To jump-start a car, first pop the hood, then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine (clips jumper cables to the engine). Then you take these and clip them wherever (clips jumper cables to the engine of the Sebring) . (Dwight turns to the camera and shakes his head, “no”) Michael: What’s up, spinstahs? Angela: Nothing, you know this is a luncheon shower, girls only. Michael: No problem. The guys are having a shindig of their own in the warehouse, from 2:30 to 3:15. It is the only time that Bob is available. Sort of a guy’s night out. A G-N-O if you will, a g-no. Actually it’s more of a guy’s afternoon in, a G-A-I. A gai. (Karen gives Michael a quizzical look) Not, not, it’s, uh, not gay, it’s a, just a, it’s a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. (Pam is looking at Michael and trying not to laugh) An hour-long shower with guys. Pam: (Pam in confessional) Something is up with Jim and Karen. Not that I’ve been eavesdropping, it’s not really any of my business, but I’ve gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim’s neck. Roy: (warehouse confessional) I’m not really into strippers. And—you know what I find sexy, Pam’s art. She’s an artist and I appreciate that. It’s very moving and…sexy. The art. Michael: Stripper...could I ask you a question about women? Um, should I tell my girlfriend that you danced up on me? Stripper: Secret secrets are no fun. Secret secrets hurt someone. Michael: Wow. Thank You. The Stripper: Oh my god, I would get so fat if I worked here. Pam: Yeah? I lose my appetite all the time. Ben Franklin: These things only serve to upset the women. They are the gentler sex. Michael: Well, Ben Franklin, you're really kind of a sleezebag. Ben Franklin: You know I invented electricity Pam: I know. Ben Franklin: Well, I'm sensing a little electricity right here. Pam: Didn't Ben Franklin have syphilis? Ben Franklin: Yes, but I don't. My name is Gordon. Pam: Ohhh. Pam: Ben Franklin? Ben Franklin: Hm? Pam: Do you wear boxers, briefs, or pantaloons? Ben Franklin: Well, you're very saucy! Angela: Sparkling Cider is very good. Pam: I think that's champagne. (Angela spits it back up in her glass) Angela: Under no circumstances should a man strip off his clothes in this office. Meredith: SHUT UP, ANGELA! Michael: Who wants some man meat? Dwight: I want some man meat! Jim: Michael, Dwight wants your man meat. Michael: Then my man meat he shall have! Michael: Number Eight: Learn how to take off a woman's bra. (looks down at Pam) Pam: What? Micheal: We will demonstrate on Pam. Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction |
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