TheOfficeisms for episode Traveling Salesman:It's time for Michael to revisit his roots with the company as he hits the road for sales call duty. Meanwhile, Dwight attempts to cover up a crucial deadline missed by Angela while Karen is in for some surprising news.Jan: Dwight's name is on the security sign-in sheet, but I don't know who he met with. And where it asks to state your business, he wrote "Beeswax. Not yours, Inc." Andy: I really 'Schruted' it. Michael: What? Andy: 'Schruted' it. It's just this thing that people say around your office all the time. Like, when you screw something up in a really irreversible way, you 'Schruted' it. I don't know where it comes from though. Do you think it comes from Dwight Schrute? Michael: I don't know. Who knows how words are formed. Pam: Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time. Angela: This friend of mine - let's call her Noelle - she missed this deadline turning something in to Corporate in New York. But then this gallant gentleman - we'll call him Kurt - he drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her. That's... I don't know. I guess he really just likes her a lot. Michael: All right everybody, circle up. Here we go. You know what this is? This is the "Amazing Race." (to Ryan and Stanley) And you guys are the retired marines. (to Phyllis and Kare) And you guys are the mother-daughter. (To Dwight and Jim) And you guys are the gay couple. And we are the firefighter heroes. Are we ready to go? Andy: Five of us transferred from Stamford. There are two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we’re touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I am not falling in a chocolate river. Ryan: (referring to a sales visit) Mind if I take this one? Stanley: Really, you want it? Ryan: I might like it. Stanley: Nothing would make me happier. (smiles) Stanley: Pass. Michael: You can’t pass. Stan: Fine. I’ll take the temp. (later) Ryan: I’m very flattered. I was his second choice to..pass. Dwight: Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown. I will meet my new challenges head-on, and I will succeed, and I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me. It's been a pleasure working with some of you, and I will not forget those of you soon. But remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I'm quitting. Dwight: One of my life goals was to die right here, in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered. Dwight: Here’s my card. It’s got my cell number, my pager number, my home number, and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don’t celebrate any major holidays. (Confessional) Ryan: Dwight will be missed. Not by me..so much...but he will be missed. (Singing to the tune of the Oompa Loompa songs from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) Andy: Oompa loompa doompity dossom, Dwight is now gone, which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doompity doomp. Karen: Let me ask you a question. Jim: OK. Karen: Did you ever have a thing for Pam? Jim: Pam? Did I ever have a "thing" for her? No. Why, did she say something? Dwight: I like Karen. She's pretty...appears intelligent. Jim: Well, I like pretty women...with the appearance of intelligence. Michael: I want you to think about your future at this company. I want you to think about it long and hard- Dwight: That's what she said. Michael: Don't... don't you dare. Angela: (happily) Hey, Pam, would you like to go with me to grab a coffee? Pam: (apprehensively) Really? Angela: Yeah, I thought you could use some fresh air and...might be fun. Pam: OK...sure. Andy: In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally: in this case, Michael. And here's the good news: every success I've ever had, at my job or with "the lady-folk," has come from my ability to slowly, and painfully, wear someone down. Jim: How important to you is customer service? Manager: It's very! Lady: (on the phone) Please keep holding, your call is very important to us. Dwight: Hmmm... that's one of the big guys. But, on hold this whole time. Jim: And this (calls someone on his cellphone)... is Dundler Mifflin. Kelly: (on the cellphone's speaker) Dundler Mifflin, customer service. This is Kelly. Jim: Hey, Kelly. It's Jim. Kelly: Oh my God, Jim! How are you?! So much to tell you! Jim: After you, sir. Dwight: No, thank you. I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear. Jim: Okay, well, that still leaves a 30% chance that I'll attack you from the front. Dwight: Uh, yeah, but it'll be easier to stop. I can always block the blow. Or I can counter it— (Jim suddenly slaps Dwight) (Michael walks out of a public ladies room) Michael: (speaking to Andy) Let’s go. The men’s room was disgusting. Andy: Oh, man, talk about your classic lame-dash-O. Do we even want that guy buying our paper? Michael: Yes. Michael: Dwight betrayed me once before, so this is his strike two. You know what they say... fool me once, strike one but fool me twice... strike three. Karen: Thanks, that was fun. Phyllis: Yeah. I really enjoy spending time with you. You’re a very nice person. Karen: Thank You. Phyllis: So glad you’re with Jim. He was hung up on Pam for such a long time. I didn’t think he’d ever get over her. Karen: That’s nice. Phyllis: You can pay me back later for the make-over. Jim: Dwight and I used to go on sales calls all the time. In fact, I have a picture to remember that time. (holds up a picture of himself with Dwight) Oh, young Jim there is just so much I need to warn you about and yet, tragically, I cannot. Michael: Dwight, care to join us, finally? Thank You. Andy: Hey, Dwight pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael? Kevin: Angela Angela: What? Kevin: That was a voice mail that corporate left last night. They did not get our tax forms. Did you send them? Angela: They arrived this morning. Kevin: Are you sure? It is a big deal... Angela: Is it a big deal? Is it Kevin? Kevin: Do you really not know? Because it is a big deal. Michael: (in his office) Jim, could you come in here please? (as Jim walks to his office, Michael types something on his computer) Michael: (through his computer) Hi, Jim. Jim: (surprised) Hello. Michael: (computer) I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks. (Michael snickers) Oh, wow, that's so rude! I'm sorry, I can't control him. Jim: Yeah, you can. Michael: You know what? Get Pam. Jim: For this? Michael: Pam! (types on his computer) (Pam walks in Michael's office in time to hear:) Michael: (computer) Pam, you look very hot today. (Michael laughs) Jim: Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend. Pam: Great. Micheal: (computer) Me so horny. Me love you long tim. (as himself) Oh, that is gross! Pam: Who's Long Tim? Michael: Damn it. (camera pans around to show his computer) Michael: (comptuer) Long time. Me lobe yoy long time. Jim: Oh, Yoy should bring in Long Tim one day. Pam: Yeah, I'd love to meet Long Tim. Jim: Me too. Michael: (computer) You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my off-five. Jim: Okay. Pam: Bye, Harvey. (they leave) Michael: (computer) Boobs. (he snickers) Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction |
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