TheOfficeisms for episode The Convict:Michael tries to be supportive when he finds out one of his new employees -- presumably someone from the Stamford branch -- has a prison record.Dwight: Prison Mike, what's the very very worst thing about prison? Angela: (under her breath) Don't encourage him, don't... Michael: The worst thing about prison was the... was the dementors! They were flying all over the place and they were scary and then they'd come down and they suck the soul out of your body! And it hurt! Karen: Dementors... like in Harry Potter? Michael: No... Not Harry Potter. Jim: What'd you do, Prison Mike? Prison Mike: I stole, and I robbed.. and I kidnapped the president's son, and held him for ransom. Jim: That's quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike. Prison Mike: And I never got caught. Jim: Well, you were in prison, but.. mm-hmm. Andy: Pamalamadingdong. Listen, you're cute. There's no getting around it. So, I don't know if you like country music, but I was thinking maybe one of these days we could drive out to a field, crank up some tunes, smoke a few Macanudos, maybe even toss a disc around. Atwhay oday ouyay inkthay, Ampay? Pam: Wow. I— Andy: Shh! Think about it. I'll hit you back. Jim: (Answers the phone) Jim Halpert. Andy: (Whispering) I am so horny. (Jim turns and looks at Andy) Jim: Okay, I can’t help you with that. Andy: Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna. Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly. She seems pretty slutty. Good for a romp in the sack. Jim: She is dating Ryan... I think. Andy: Oh, and I care why? Jim: She's high-maintenance. Andy: Neeext. Kevin: I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for, because... (makes sure nobody's looking) It sounds an awful lot like what I do here everyday. Michael: Martin went from being a new guy from Stanford, to a convict, to my friend, back to a convict, then to kind of a nuisance, actually, if we can be completely honest, and finally to a quitter. And I will not miss him and that is not because he is black. Creed: Baby, hello baby. (dangles paperclips in front of the baby) Here you want to play with this? Karen: You can't give paperclips to a baby, he could swallow them. Creed: Oh, it's ok I've got tons of 'em. You like that? Goo, goo, goo, goo. Michael: Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What's he wearing? Nothing special, baseball cap on backward, baggy pants. He says something ordinary like "Yo, that's shizzle" Okay, now slowly open your eyes again. Who were you picturing? A black man? Wrong, that was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you. Michael: Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice like a white guy who went to prison for polluting a black guy's lake. Kevin: Martin? Michael: Oh, you are such a racist. Kevin: Wait, why am I a racist? Michael: Because you think he's black. Kevin: He is black, right? Michael: Hey, look at me! I'm a baby! I'm one of those babies from "Look Who's Talking" What am I thinking? (laughs) Look at all those staplers. What's a stapler? I don't even know, I'm a baby. Hey, Mom. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty Mama. I want some milk, and you know where milk comes from, breasts. Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction |
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