TheOfficeisms for episode Branch Closing:Jan delivers the bad news to Michael that the Scranton Branch is slated for closure. This leads Michael on a quest to keep up the staff's spirits up. Meanwhile, everyone imagines what their lives will be like in the wake of the close.Jan: Our CFO believes that Josh is going to play an important role in our company’s future. Michael: Oh really, what role is that? King of the stupid universe? Michael: There she is. Jan Levinson. Jan: Michael. Michael: First thing in the morning. Love to start my morning with a hearty bowl of Jan. Jan: Michael. Michael (singing): Just call me Levinson in the morning, baby... Josh: I, um, will not be taking the job. Jan: Excuse me? Why not? Josh: As of today, I have accepted a senior management position at Staples. (later) Jim: Say what you will about Michael Scott, but he would never do that. Dwight: When you become close with someone you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. Right now, the title of Michael's book is "Something Weird is Going On"...colon... "What Did Jan Say?...The Michael Scott Story"... by Michael Scott with Dwight Schrute. Karen: Who are you faxing so early in the morning? Jim: Oh, um... kinda hard to explain. (cuts to talking head) I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but, before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery. So, from time to time, I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future. (cut to Dwight reading the fax Jim just sent) Dwight, at 8am today, somebody poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight. Dwight: NOOOOO! (after seeing Stanley leave the break room with a cup of coffee, runs and knocks it out of his hand) You'll thank me later. Michael: What are we still doing here? It’s over. Let’s go home, get the car. Ohhh, this was such a stupid idea. This was so stupid. (crying) I’m such a stupid idiot. I let everybody down. Everybody hates me. I lost everybody’s jobs. Nobody likes me anymore. Jim: Hey, um…I think I am going to take that job, and Scranton, it’s not that bad there. So if they offer you a job there. I think you should take it. Karen: Okay yeah, maybe I will. (Karen speaking to the camera) Karen: Yeah, I’m happy he said that. I mean, I don’t think he’s into me or anything. But I’m kind of into him. So…there you go. Angela: I don’t want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone’s to blame. Michael: (clears throat) Listen up, everybody I have some news. We are screwed. Dunder-Mifflin Scranton is being shut down. Toby: Michael, uh, we shouldn’t be talking about this until all the decisions have been made. Michael: You knew about this all along, didn’t you? Toby: Jan told me just a few minutes before she told you. Michael: (points at Toby) Traitor. You are a traitor. Karen: Hey, uh, did you hear about your friends in Pennsylvania? Rumor has it that the Scranton branch is “gklch” (makes a cut throat gesture) Jim: Really? Wow, that’s too bad. Andy: Um, Sorry. Scranton branch is closing? In your face. Jim: Well, I work here now. Andy: Mmmm!! sucka. Michael: It is an outrage. That’s all. It’s—they’re making a huge, huge mistake. Let’s see Josh replace these people. Let’s see Josh find another Stanley. You think Stanley's grow on trees? Well, they don’t. There is no Stanley tree. You think the world is crawling with Phyllis's? Show me that farm, with Phyllis's and Kevin's sprouting up all over the place, ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm. Michael: Am I a small number person or a severance package person? Jan: Well, we haven’t made final decisions about personnel yet but you’re a severance package person. (Michael shudders) Michael: Oh my God! (crying) Oh my God! Jan: Michael. Michael: Yes? Jan: I'm here to tell you that we are closing the Scranton branch. Michael: I don't understand. Jan: The board voted last night to close your branch. Michael: On whom's authority? Jan: The board's. Michael: W-What? Michael: Although, I can't say I'm a big fan of "Bowling For Columbine". I was expecting it to be a bowling movie, like "Kingpin". Pam: Oh great, you're bringing Dwight? Michael: Yes, This might get ugly. I need backup. Jim: I mean, I always knew the branch would shut down someday, I just figured it would be, Michael would sell the building, for some magic beans. Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction |
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