TheOfficeisms for episode Michael's Birthday:As Kevin and the rest of the crew worry about Kevin's medical test results to see whether or not he has skin cancer, Michael gets angry because no one seems to have fun at the birthday party he threw for himself. Later, Michael takes everyone out to the skating rink to get their minds off of Kevin's possible complications, and Pam and Jim go to the supermarket to pick up some presents for Kevin.Kevin: If I go home now, I'll just drive myself crazy. Michael: Well, you're pretty much driving everybody else here crazy (catches himself). Crazy with worry. Kevin: (after getting the results of his skin cancer test) It's negative! Michael: (ripping off his homemade Livestrong bracelet) God! We're gonna beat this, OK? C'mere...(hugs Kevin) (Later) Michael: Well apparently in the medicine community, negative means "good." Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community that would be chaos. Michael: You know what the best medicine is? Kevin: The doctor said a combination of Interferon and Dacarbazine. Michael: And laughter. Jim: So, we got Kev some stuff. Party pack of M&M's, (holds up M&M's) his favourite candy. A DVD of American Pie 2, (holds up DVD) which is his favorite movie. And he lent it to Creed, so I can guarantee you that he won't get that back. Pam: 69 cups of noodles. Jim: Which we realised sounds crass, but it is his favourite number. Pam: And his favourite lunch. Pam: If I knew that I had a week to live, I would proably go to Europe. And South America. And the Grand Canyon. And I would want to see the Pacific Ocean. It would be a pretty busy week. Dwight: Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can and do cut my own hair. I did however tip my urologist, because, I am unable to pulverise my own kidney stones. Dwight: Where have you been? And don't say the bathroom cause I kicked in all the stalls. Jim: (Eyeing up the microphone on the counter) Oh, I dare you to make an announcement. Pam: You dare me? How old are you? Jim: Just quit stalling. Pam: (in deep voice) Luke, this is your father. Come set the table for dinner. Jim: Such a dork. Pam: Jim Halpert, price check on fabric softener, the kind that gives you-- Shop Assistant: Ma'm. Please don't touch that. That is not a toy. Pam: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Jim: How old are you? Pam: I hate you. Toby: Who brought in donuts? Michael: Somebody got donuts for my birthday. Toby: Happy birthday. Michael: You didn't know it was my birthday. Toby: I guess I forgot. Michael: Well, I guess I forgot to give you a donut. Michael: Oh, fun fact. I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So I have a perfect icebreaker if I ever meet Teri Hatcher. Dwight: Michael! Michael! Come here, come here! Listen up everyone. It is 11:23 exactly. The exact moment when you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal. Michael: You know what, Toby? When the son of deposed king of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country! Pam: Michael's birthday was actually pretty cool. It was a good day. I don't know. It was a good day. (Creed, Dwight, Ryan, and Oscar are hoisting Michael up on a chair on the sales floor while Jim and Pam look on from the break room.) Pam: I feel like we should go get Kevin something. Do you think we can sneak out of here? Jim: Maybe...but we're going to need somebody to create a diversion... Toby: Honestly, is there any way you could get on your fiance's plan? Our plan is... terrible. Michael: Hey Pam, all this stuff with Kevin is pretty scary. I was thinking that next time you're in the shower you should check yourself out. Those things are ticking time bags. Dwight: (whispered) This is the most important day of the year. I can't risk anything. Angela: (whispered) Fine. Dwight: What about that meeting later...to discuss finances? Angela: ...Yes. (whispered) But don't expect any cookie. Dwight: (whispered) But what if I'm hungry? Angela: (whispered) No cookie. Dwight: Okay, that is not an 8 foot sub. Delivery Guy: We don't make an 8 foot sub. This is eight one foot subs. Dwight: F... Dwight: Happy birth moment Michael. Kelly: I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's. Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction |
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