TheOfficeisms for episode The Injury:When Michael burns his foot with his George Foreman mini-grill, he requires the entire office staff to work around his new injury. When the workers aren't so keen on obliging, Michael gets angry and calls in a man in a wheelchair to put out the message that disabled people are people too. Meanwhile, Dwight acts stranger than usual, acting really nice and helpful towards Pam. It isn't until the end of the day when everyone realizes that the car accident Dwight was in earlier that day gave him a concussion (but was overshadowed by Michael's dramatization of his own burn), and Jim and Michael immediately take him to the hospital. Needless to say, Michael doesn't appreciate the extra attention that the doctors and nurses pay Dwight.Michael: Oh God, a minivan! What is Meredith's problem? Jim: Uh, I think she has a kid. Michael: Yeah she has one kid, no husband. And she's not going to find one driving one of these things around! Michael: (after he fell off the toilet) Get Ryan! He needs to lift me, and he needs to clean me up a bit... Bring a wet towel. Toby: Ryan is (Ryan drags his finger across his throat) ...dead. (Ryan takes a bite of string cheese) Toby: Wow, so you just dive right in, huh? Ryan: You know, around age 12 I just started going for it. Jim: Dwight! You forgot your bumper! Michael: (from the phone) Hello? Please don't send Dwight. (Jim and Michael are driving Dwight to the hospital due to his concussion) Michael: (trying to coax a bottle of liquor from Dwight) Just give it to me...Give me the bottle or you're fired. Dwight: You can't fire me; I don't work in this van! Michael: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's the perfect way to start the day. Michael: While we are waiting for our special guest to arrive. I wanted you all to take a look at a few of the many, many disabled icons who have contributed so much to our society. Jim: Quick question. Michael: Yeah? Jim: Why is Tom Hanks on the wall? Ryan: Twice. Michael: Good question. Forrest Gump...mentally challenged. Philadelphia...AIDS. Kevin: I think that's from Big. Michael: I don't think so, no. Kelly: Yeah, he's dancing on the piano with Robert Loggia. Michael: He grew into a man overnight. A rare disability. It still works. Michael: Dwight, what is your middle name? Dwight: Danger... Michael: Something with a "K." Jim: It's Kurt. Wow, I'm so sad that I know that. Michael: What do I write under reason for visit? Jim: Concussion.(Michael scribbles out something on form.) Jim: What did you write? Michael: Ahem, nothing. I wrote "bringing someone to the hospital." Dwight: Where are we going? Jim: Come on. Get inside. Dwight: Where are we going? Jim: We're going to Chuck E. Cheese. Michael: Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, god. I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese. Jim: We're going to the hospital, Michael. Michael: I know. I'm just sayin'... Michael: The rules in shotgun are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout shotgun when you're within the sight of the car gets the front seat. That's how the game's played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion. Bill: Before you go any further, I'd like to stop you for a minute... and leave. Michael: (in confessional) Did you ever see Born on the Fourth of July? I thought Bill would be more like that guy. Pam: Would you like some aspirin? You seem kind of fussy... Michael: No, I don't want any aspirin! Aspirin's not gonna do a dang thing, Pam. Of course I'm fussy! I'm sitting here with a bloody stump of a foot! Dwight: Oh, man! Is that a Prism DuroSport? Pam: You've seen one of these? Dwight: Yeah, they're like an iPod, only they're better, because they're chunkier and more solid. Pam: Roy got it for me for Christmas. I'm just trying to figure out how to put songs on it. Dwight: Oh no, don't go there. I know this Russian website where you can download songs for two cents a piece. Pam: Really? Dwight: Yeah. Only, the only thing is, is all the songs are in Russian. Pam: rolls her eyes Dwight: Kidding! Why would they... Okay, see ya later, Pan. Pam: (confused) Pan? Michael: (Pointing out his burned foot) What does this look like to you? Stanley: Mail Boxes ETC. Ryan: I grounded up four extra strength Tylenol and put them in Michael's pudding, I do the same thing with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine Creed: I was in an iron lung when I was a kid. Michael: What? How old are you? Dwight: (Looks at Creed) Dad? Michael: The point is, I am the only one here with a legitimate disability, although I'm sure Stanley's had his fair share of obstacles. Michael: (About Pam's phone calls) Well, it seemed very important to you earlier, that you needed to stay and... Pam: (Cutting him off) Do my job? Michael: No...your job is to be my friend, Pam. Dwight: (About the CAT scan) I don't wanna do this. Michael: Well, you should have thought of that before you crashed your head on the way to pick me up. Jim: I wanna clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill. Michael: Imagine if you left Stevie Wonder on the floor of that bathroom. Phyllis: Oh, we wouldn't. We love Stevie Wonder. Michael: Do you know what it's like to be disabled? Phyllis: I had scoliosis as a girl. Michael: Never heard of it. No - a real disability. Not a woman's problem. Dwight: Do you like candy? Angela: It's allright. Dwight: 'Cause you're sweeter than candy. (Tickles Angela) Pam: Oh, God no. Dwight's not my friend. (Thinks) Oh my God! Dwight's kind of my friend! Michael: Pam, will you rub butter on my foot? Pam: No. Michael: Please? I have Country Crock! Michael: I just want to be treated normally today. Normal would be nice, considering the trauma I've been through today. Michael: Did you tell them why (I wasn't in)? Pam: No, I didn't mention that you cooked your foot. Kevin: (To Michael on speakerphone) Can you hop? Michael: I tried hopping, Kevin, but I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protruberance. Billy: Listen. I've actually used a chair since I was four years old. I don't really notice it anymore. Michael: Well, they do. They notice it, don't you? You notice it. It's the first thing you saw when he rolled in here. Michael: Let me ask you something. How long does it take for you to do something simple? Everyday. Like brush your teeth in the morning. Billy: I don't know, like, 30 seconds? Michael: Oh my god. That's three times as long as it takes me. Jim: So where are you shipping your foot? Michael: Ha ha ha. So where are you shipping... Dwight: ...your foot? Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction |
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