TheOfficeisms for episode Performance Review:Michael meets with all of his underlings to discuss their performance in the office so far. However, Michael focuses more on getting feedback about his relationship with Jan than whether or not the workers are doing their job. Later, a nervous Michael plans to shuffle through the employee suggestion box to steal exciting ideas for his imminent discussion with Jan about his own performance, but that falls apart when Jan asks to sit in on the discussion. Meanwhile, Jim and Pam try to keep Dwight under the wrong impression that the day is Friday instead of Thursday.Pam: Do you think Michael and Jan actually... Jim: I don't really wanna picture it. But thank you, Pam. Pam: How do you come back from that? Jim: Um, you don't, I don't think, come all the way back, you know. Especially working together. Pam: No, I mean doing that with Michael. How do you come back from that? Jim: Oh- Pam: As a human being. Jim: Yeah, no, I don't think you can. Michael: I'm a little confused, because at first its like, all kissy kissy. And then its like, all regret because, "Oh, I regret that." But, wait. I'm still gonna call you. But! But! "We're just gonna talk business. And I may come down there and fire you if you don't do your job." But what were we talking about when we first kissed? Business. Michael: But then she goes on to say "That will be our only topic of discussion." That doesn't mean anything. Those are just words... Pam: I have one idea of what it means. Michael: OK, yeah, what, what? Pam: Well, I don't think you're going to be very happy with this. Michael: Oh, great. All right, well, now I'm in a terrible mood. Let's do your performance review. Pam: Because she's conflicted. She has to be professional but she's fighting feelings for you. Michael: Why, that's great news. That, that... Why would, why would I not like that? Pam: Um, just because that you work together and it might be awkward. Jan: (On why she does not like Michael) Michael, it has nothing to do with your looks. It's your personality. You're obnoxious, and rude...and, and, and...stupid, and you do have coffee breath, by the way, and I don't agree about the BO, but... Dwight: I would also further like to talk about my merits in the workplace. Michael: OKay, third wheel...why don't you go do that? Jan: (About the suggestions box meeting) Is that right now? Michael: No, it's like in ten minutes. Pam: (On the phone) Everyone's in the conference room right now. Jan: Good. Michael: Hello...everybody, we're going to have our weekly suggestions box meeting, so you can get in your constructive compliments ASAP. Ryan: Don't you mean constructive criticisms? Michael: What'd I say? Kelly: You said constructive compliments. That doesn't make any sense. Michael: Well, Kelly, that was neither constructive or a compliment, so you don't you stop criticizing my English and start making some suggestions? Jan: So, you're still in the middle of the performance reviews then? Michael: No, I finished those very fast. Not too fast, though. Not like, "wham, bam, thank you ma'am." (Pauses) But I do say , "thank you ma'am." Not that there's anything wrong with the "wham, bam." (Pauses) As long as it's consensual... Michael: (On the phone) Jan, to what do I owe this pleasure? Jan: I'm returning your many calls. Michael: Well, hello to you too. Stanley: Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they do in their words. Michael: That's fricken brilliant. How did you know that? Did you learn it on the streets? (Stopping himself) Oh...I'm sorry. Stanley: No, that's okay. I did learn it on the streets, on the ghetto, in fact. Stanley: (To the documentary makers) It's all about my bonus. Dwight: (About the advantages of the fitness orb) Numerous health benefits, strengthens your back, better performance in sports, more enjoyable sex. Jim: You're not having sex. Dwight: This is a fitness orb and it has completley changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts. Jim: Done. Dwight: I even come in on holidays. Michael: You do? How do you get in? Dwight: I have a copy of your key. Jan: That's a serious offense. Michael: That is a serious offense. Very serious. As is toying with a man's heart. Dwight: Michael? Michael: Oh my... Dwight: I'm sorry. Am I interrupting? Oh god. Were you guys making out? Pam: Michael and Jan definitely made out, maybe more. Jim: Ooh...ach! Oh, um also it's Thursday but Dwight thinks it’s Friday so... keep that going. Pam(whispering): Oh yay! Jim: Dwight thinks it's Friday so that's what I'm going to be doing this afternoon. Pam: Last year, my performance review started with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were, and it ended with him telling me he could bench-press 190 pounds, so I don't really know what to expect. Michael: Pam, you're trustworthy... Pam: Thank you. Michael: ...and a woman. Pam: Oh no. Dwight: And in conclusion, I think Lex Luthor said it best when he said, "Dad, you have no idea what I'm capable of." Michael: That's from Superman? Dwight: Smallville. Dwight: Who? Who was it? Who did (Trump) fire? Pam: You didn't see it? Dwight: No. I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night. Crap! Never go out on a Thursday night. What the hell was I thinking? Dwight: "Don't sleep with your boss"? Do you think this is referring to you boning Jan? Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction |
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