TheOfficeisms for episode The Alliance:Michael arranges a morale-boosting birthday party for Meredith and is determined to come up with the funniest message in her card. Dwight wants a pact with Jim to fight the downsizing, and Michael regrets showing off when Oscar asks for sponsorship for a charity walk being undertaken by his nephew, who has cerebral palsy.(from deleted 'talking head' scene) Jim: I think if sometime today, I can get Dwight to use the word "immunity"....this might just be the greatest day of my life. Pam: This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course, by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her. Dwight: I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are...at vision. Dwight: Can I trust Jim … I don’t know. Do I have a choice? — no, frankly, I don’t. Will I trust Jim, yes. Should I trust Jim … you tell me. Michael: (reading from a piece of paper) 'Meredith is so old...' Oscar: How old is she? Michael: If... everybody... could do it? 'Meredith is so old...' Everyone: How old is she? Michael: 'She's so old, she went into an antique store, and they kept her.' Michael: I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that I get no pleasure out of saying the words: you're fired. "You're fired." Oh, "You're fired." He just makes people sad. And an office can't function that way. No way. "You're fired." I think if I had a catchphrase it would be, "You're hired, and you can work here as long as you want." But that's unrealistic, so... Dwight: Did you get your tickets? Jim: To what? Dwight: The gun show. (Kisses bicep.) Jim: Okay, okay, I have something that totally tops the box! Pam: Oh, tell me, tell me! Jim: I have just convinced Dwight that he needs to go to Stamford and spy on our other branch. (Pam starts laughing)... No, no... But before he does go, I told him he should dye his hair to go undercover... Jim: We need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance and is therefore trying to get us kicked out. Dwight: God damn it, why us?! Jim: Because we’re strong, Dwight, because we’re strong! (About Dwight's suggestion that they form an "alliance" together against downsizing) Jim: I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him, but only in ways that will get me arrested, and then here he comes, and he says, 'No, Jim, here's a way.' Michael: I have a bunch of these good ones, that I didn't use. Um... (searches through some bits of paper) Oh, where's that? Oh, okay, here's a good one: 'Hey Meredith, Liz Taylor called, she wants her age back and her divorces back.' Meredith: (reading her card) This is from Michael. 'Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age.' (About Dwight's suggestion to make fun of Meredith's removed uterus in her card) Michael: Dwight, no! I'm trying to write something funny here, okay? What am I gonna do with a removed uterus? Dwight: It could be kind of funny. (Trying to think of something funny for Meredith's birthday card) Michael: Meredith... Meri... Mary had a little lamb. Mary, Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor. Pam: An alliance? Jim: Oh, yeah. Pam: What does that even mean? Jim: I think it has something to do with 'Survivor', but I'm not sure. Um, I know that it involves spying on people, and we may build a fort. (Michael wants an ice cream cake for the party) Angela: Meredith's allergic to dairy, so... Michael: She's not the only one that's gonna be eating it, right? I think everybody likes ice cream cake. It's not, uh, not just about her, so... Pam: It is her birthday. Michael: Mint chocolate chip! Jim: Everything Dwight does annoys me. (About Angela, Phyllis and Pam) Michael: These are my party planning beeyatches. (About the color of streamers to use for the party) Pam: How 'bout green? Angela: I think green is kind of whorish. Michael: (into his cell phone) Ah, Spock, are there any signs of life down there? Well, let me check Captain. (scans the room with his cellphone, making beeping sounds) No, Captain, no signs of life down here. Just a wet blanket named Pam. Michael: I think if I was allergic to dairy I'd kill myself. Dwight: It's a real shame, cause studies have shown that more information gets passed through watercooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because... (picks up water bottle) I bring my own water to work. Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction |
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