TheOfficeisms for episode Pilot:A documentary crew arrives at the offices of Dunder Mifflin to observe the employees and learn about modern management. Manager Michael Scott tries to paint a happy picture, while sales rep Jim fights with his nemesis Dwight and flirts with receptionist Pam.Michael: People say I am the best boss. They go "God, we've never worked in a place like this before. You're hilarious. And you get the best out of us." Um.. (picks up his "World's Best Boss" mug and shows it to the camera) .. I think that says it all. (pauses) I found it at Spencer Gifts. Dwight: Downsizing? I have no problem with that. I have been recommending downsizing since I first got here. I even brought it up in my interview. I say, bring it on. (Worried about downsizing) Angela: I think it's going to be me... It'll probably be me.. Kevin: Yeah, it'll be you. Michael: Howard? Like Moe Howard, three stooges. Watch this, this is Moe, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, meeeeee! (laughs) Ah, right here, three stooges. High five.(holds his hand up for a high five, Ryan obliges) Oh Pam, it's a guy thing, Pam. I'm sort of a student of comedy. Watch this, here we go (grabs Pam's nameplate and places it below his nose) (starts marching shouting nonsense German, laughs) I'm Hitler! Adolph Hitler. (continues impression) Jim: My name is Jim Halpert. And I am a sales rep. Which is a very important job, um without me dozens, literally dozens, of small businesses would go paperless. They'd have to write on their hands, or bedsheets, or who knows? You know, total chaos. Total chaos. I mean or they could get their paper from somewhere else, Staples maybe. I don't know. Michael: This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now you should have seen her a couple of years ago! Pam: What? Michael: People I respect, heroes of mine, would be Bob Hope... Abraham Lincoln, definitely. Bono. And probably God would be the fourth one. And I just think all those people really helped the world in so many ways that it's really beyond words. It's really incalculable. (Michael takes over one of Jim's accounts to try and show off his closing skills) Michael: All right. Done deal, thank you very much, sir. You're a gentleman and a scholar. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. My mistake. That was a, uh, woman I was talking to, so... She had a very low voice. Probably a smoker, so... So that's the way it's done. Michael: Any messages? Pam: Yeah, just a fax. (hands Michael a piece of paper) Michael: This is from Corporate. Pam: Yeah. Michael: How many times have I told you there is a special filing cabinet for corporate. Pam: You haven't told me. Michael: It's called the waste paper basket. (throws it in the trash) Jim: Dwight, I'm sorry, because, I've always been your biggest flan. Michael: Ah, this is our receptionist, Pam. Pam! (bangs desk twice) Pam! Pam! (To the camera, about the downsizing) Michael: No, I'm not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer. (Jim is sticking upright pencils between his and Dwight's desk) Dwight: You can't do that. Jim: Why not? Dwight: Safety violation. I could fall and pierce an organ. (Dwights stapler has been set in jello by Jim) Michael: No, no, no, no. Do not take it out; you have to eat out of there. Because there are starving people in the world, which I hate, and it is a waste of that kind of food. Dwight: Okay you know what? (to Ryan) You can be a witness. (to Michael) Can you reprimand him please? Jim: (eating jello) How do you know it was me? Pam: I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go. Because then I might... (pauses) I just, I don't think it's many little girls dream to be a receptionist. Michael: I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second. Probably an entertainer third. Michael: What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It's the people. The *people*. My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No, no, no, no. It was a young Guatamalan guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went, "Mr Scott, will you be the Godfather to my child?" Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked. Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction |
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